Thursday, April 8, 2010
Contruction Paper Blues
It is Thursday afternoon.
I just stood up from sitting on the carpet in front of the open patio slider.
The air is soft and floats by but not in...it's been a warm day.
My shirt is too hot and my pants are too tight around the waist.
And now at my feet is a mess of construction paper, scissors and a glue stick.
Repeatedly I glance back to make sure the lid is on the glue.
What am I doing?
I am watching myself dance between choices.
I did something VERY doofus today and I knew I had the choice to spend the evening punishing myself, or letting it go.
I decided both!
"Yes God, look at me eating my emotions," I think to myself as I pour chocolate chips into the peanut butter jar and grab a spoon. Suddenly, it isn't nearly as fun, or tasty.
Just moments before that, I stretched out on my bed. "I will breathe. I will be kind to myself. I will rest." Then the neighbors yippy dog started barking.
In the end, I threw myself on the floor for some basic play - paper, glue and scissors.
I danced in a new pattern.
I floundered in an old one.
Self-defeating behavior: check.
Sacred Breathing: check.
Make another mess: check.
Fume, pray and let got in a dizzying cyclical pattern: check.
My work here is done.
Let it go.
Construction Paper Assemblage - 8.5 x 11 inches.
The other things that helped cheer me?
Dan Gurney's song.
Todd Baio's song.