Often I write in my ambiguous poetry or I say what I can through my art. I leave little threads, hoping someone will pick them up and see.
Today I will be blunt.
My heart is shifting again and it hurts. In the past 4 days I have found myself in deep, hot tears, forced to my knees sobbing.
I am riddled with fear.
I fear that who and what I love will be taken from me. I fear I won't know what to do if I can't label myself as a mom. I fear I won't be able to find a job in a few weeks when I no longer have one.
Another round of growing and healing leaves me unfocused and disconnected. Lost.
Last summer I went through this...the first layer.
Autumn and winter were peaceful. I floated.
Now I am messy.
I surrender again and again.
I learn acceptance...again and again.
I have so much to learn!
I unravel and pray I am rewoven more gently, more humbly...more peacefully.
I know this won't be resolved with a solution.
I open to a Soul-ution.